Life is already unpredictable enough, so of course you want to know with some degree of certainty that the man in your life can be depended upon. When the one you finally risked opening your heart to, engages in behaviors that destroy the faith you’ve placed in him—including broken promises, serious irresponsibility, deception or infidelity—your trust erodes. Can your emotions—and the relationship itself—ever rebound from such severe breaches? Of course the big question is, how?

The offending party has to own up to his or her transgression and sincerely apologize for the harm caused by it: “I am guilty of this, and from here on I am committed to doing the opposite of that.” Warning: Don’t insist on a play-by-play retelling of the events with all the gory details. The condensed version of the offense will be more than enough. When it comes to establishing trust, talk is cheap unless it results in action. Start by spelling out your expectations.

It’s crucial that neither of you become so focused on the erring partner’s crime that you never get around to an honest look at what factors may have led to it. Certainly the selfishness and lack of discipline of the one who messed up play a part—but that’s seldom the whole story. Enlist some supportive help as early in the trust rebuilding process as possible. Of course the big question is, how? Can your emotions—and the relationship itself—ever rebound from such severe breaches?

Seek the support of qualified counseling professionals, your spiritual leaders and one or two trusted friends who can remain objective. Compassionate third parties can help the two of you stay focused on your goal of reconciliation and not become overcome by your urge to punish or your mate’s urge to rebel. Moving on means accepting the fact that neither of you can go back and change the past. It also means that you and your mate refuse to be permanently shackled to what happened.